When you don’t know the… WHY?!

These past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me. My cousin was murdered 10yrs ago by her then ex-boyfriend. Fast forward to three weeks ago, her trial started. After three weeks of evidence pointing to him, the jurors still found him not guilty! How could this be?! All the evidence pointed to him though?! I could go over all the details, and you would think he was guilty too. However, the jurors didn’t find this man guilty. You can only imagine how devastating this was to all of us, and anyone connected to my sweet Chantel Hollowell.

I could take this story in so many directions, but what I want to focus on is the “why?” that I was asking the Lord. When I found out the verdict, I wept, I bawled my eyes out. It wasn’t fair! How does an evil man get off with the murder of my cousin?! He gets to live still, and we don’t get justice for her. I didn’t understand, and as everyone was mourning and hurt, I had no words to console them. I felt the hurt, the pain, the anger, the vengeance. I wanted this man to hurt like we were hurting. I wanted him to pay the price for taking Chantel’s life.

I had to ask God to help me through this because my emotions were all over the place. I needed to find the strength to not only pick myself up, but be the strength others needed as well. I kept asking God why?! I kept saying this is not fair! And, I had every right to feel the way I felt; I’m still human. Losing someone is never easy especially when it’s something unexpected.

As much as I hurt, I couldn’t be mad at God. Life happens, and it’s not fair. We lose some, and we win some, but that doesn’t change the fact that God is still God and although we may not understand things, God is still a good God. God can heal every broken part of us; He can take away the pain and the hurt. It’s going to be a process, a hard process, but you will come out the victor in the end.

The Lord reminded me of the story of Job. Job “was a man of perfect integrity, who feared God and turned away from evil.” Job 1:1 HCSB He was wealthy, he was righteous, and had a big family. Although Job had it all, he too lost it all; his health, his wealth, and even his children. Job even questioned God why?!

It’s okay to ask God why?! It’s also okay to tell God how you feel, and Guess what?! He already knows EXACTLY how you feel. Job was very vocal to God about how he felt. One thing Job never lost was his faith in God “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Job 13:15 NKJV Job didn’t understand why things happened to him the way they did. Things that were so near and dear to his heart were taken from him, but even though he questioned God and he didn’t understand, He still trusted God through it all.

I didn’t understand why the cards were dealt the way they were in my cousin’s murder trial, but despite my feelings of pain, hurt and anger, I had to remind myself that I had to TRUST God through it all. I may not understand tomorrow, a year from now, or even five years from now, but what I do understand is that God is a FAITHFUL God, He is a just God, He is a loving God, and despite what man says or does, God will have the last say. My friend sent me an encouraging text, and in the end he said: “we have to truly trust His heart even though we may not see His hand.”

Job couldn’t see God’s hand in all the suffering he had to face, but he trusted God’s heart. In the end, Job was restored and he got double for his trouble! In the last chapter of Job, he found himself repenting for speaking about the things he didn’t know. It was through Job’s trials and tribulations that he finally saw God for who he really is! God didn’t leave Job in his state of loss; He blessed him with more.

Job faced a lot of hurt, pain, and loss, but God carried him through. We may have lost someone so dear to our hearts that didn’t deserve to go down as they did, but guess what?! God is still a God of restoration, and although we may not understand what happened or why it happened, God will still get the glory and we will all get the healing we desire and deserve, but we must TRUST God when we have every right to turn away.

There’s something greater to Chantel’s story, my story, even your story, than what we can see right now. He will restore what was taken, but in His time and in our faithfulness to Him. As hard as it is to trust in our time of hurt, we have to trust God through it all.

So, remember… God will not leave you in your state of loss; He will restore you, and take you back to a state of prospering!

3 thoughts on “When you don’t know the… WHY?!”

    1. So happy to hear that. It is what I needed to pull my strength from.

  1. Refreshing Ness…you know I needed to read this. Hearing that “Not Guilty” verdict in the courtroom was devastating. Love you Ness and we are ALL here for one another…I know there is a bigger purpose for the evil man’s life that we do not understand.The struggle of wanting revenge and letting go and trusting God…that’s a hard one.

    Thanks Ness!

    Love you always Chan<3

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