Beautiful Chaos

I know you may read this title and think to yourself “how is chaos beautiful?” Trust me; I thought the same thing when this title dropped in my spirit.  I started to reflect on the previous year and how chaotic it was. It was during a time of desperation, a time of need, a time of hurt, a time of pain, a time of sadness, and the list goes on and on. But, you know those times where you feel like your whole life is just one big mess, nothing seems to be going right, one storm after the other.  We find ourselves asking God “why is this happening to me?”  Yup, that time of chaos! That time when you are just feeling so broken and beat down.  This was me!
I can remember it all vividly. It was a Saturday morning, I was off from work. I woke up, made myself go back to sleep, woke up again and went back to sleep.  Around 1 p.m. I decided that I should get up and try and do something with my life. So, what did I do? I got up and went straight to the living room and laid on my couch. I did something with my life .. I moved from one bedroom to the next. There I lay, too sad to move, too sad to turn the T.V. on, too sad to answer phone calls, texts, or check social media. I just laid there as the tears were rolling down my face.  I didn’t have any words to say, I couldn’t get myself to speak. The hurt and pain I was feeling was too much. 
As I laid there I started to have a silent conversation with God. You know those conversations you have with him in your mind. I asked him, why Lord? Why me? Why do I have to endure all of this hurt and pain? I’m a good person, I don’t deserve this!
I started to press the rewind button on my life and think about how I ended up in this position.  I saw clearly that some of the pain and hurt was self-inflicted, by choices I made. I will always take responsibility for my own actions, but there were also some things that I had no control over. With tears still streaming down my face the Lord simply said to me in such a gentle voice “Have I not carried you through before?”
Once he said it, I started to think about every situation that He has carried me through. I thought about ALL the times that I felt like I wasn’t going to make it, and guess what?  Each time God has carried me through. It was God who gave me the strength that I needed to “get through” life’s hardest battles.
I know some of you reading this may be going through some pretty tough times right now. You may feel like you have no hope, no strength, or no clue on how you are going to get through. But trust me, if you continue to wake up and set your eyes on God, He will get you through. The situation may not make any sense to you, and you may not see any resolution but that’s God’s job to work out! Your job is simply to seek Him first.  
Luke 11:9-10 says “And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives and he who seeks, finds and to him who knocks, it will be opened.”
During my times of chaos, I have learned to ask God for what I need. I have chosen to seek His face during the most difficult times of my life. I know it’s easier said than done and our human nature wants to go hide in a cave and not be bothered. I totally get it!  I’ve been known to hibernate myself. Although during my hibernation I allow myself to grieve and mourn, I do not allow myself to stay there.   
Every time I “seek” God, He is always “faithful” to show up. Think about when you go to someone’s house and knock on their door? What happens after the knock? They open it.  This is what God wants us to do, He wants us to seek His face and ask him for what you want and need. Go ahead, knock. God is such a gentleman that when we knock on His door, He will open it!
God doesn’t want us to live in our depression or our chaotic moments.  He wants to give us the strength to get through the chaos and reach our beautiful.  Just because it starts off as chaos does not mean that it cannot end in beautiful.  It becomes beautiful when we make it through. It becomes beautiful because we are stronger. It becomes beautiful because we can smile now. God always has our backs, in the chaotic state as well as in the beautiful state.  Like the saying goes “Storms don’t last forever.” What happens after a storm? A beautiful rainbow appears.  Let this be your reminder that your beautiful is coming!

5 thoughts on “Beautiful Chaos”

  1. Thanks Vanessa for sharing your story. I can so relate because this is a summation of how I feel. But trouble does not last always. I rejoice in God he is my deliverer. St

    1. Sharon, you are right trouble does not last always. God’s promise to us comes in the form of a rainbow!

  2. WOW! This was very encouraging and on time for many of us. I am thankful for God and His promises everyday because I understand that His words are not lies but FACTS! If I just hold on and keep believing HE will turn whatever situation around for my good and He will get the Glory!

  3. Truly inspiring testimony. I wish Chantel was here to see your journey. Reading this brought back so many memories. I remember you and Chan were so close. I’m very proud of you and your love for our Lord and Savior. Your are indeed a Braveheart. I hope to see you soon. Are you still living in Texas? God Bless ❤

    1. Toni, thank you for your heart felt encouraging words. Chantel would have been right beside me through all of this. She would be telling her Braveheart story too! But… She is now one of our guardian angels! xx

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