Don’t stop believing…

Many of you know, I recently got engaged and was married shortly after. I think every little girl always dreams about her wedding and who she’s going to marry. Well, that was me!

I was the little girl who wanted the white picket fence, the big wedding, the handsome hunk of a guy, and a family. I even had Pinterest boards titled “future wedding!”

Fast forward, here I am 34 years old and just newly married. Most of my friends are married and have kids by this age. I was a late bloomer. I didn’t get to marry young like everyone else did. For some reason, the Lord didn’t send me my husband until He saw fit and I was ready to be a wife.

I went through a pruning season. This pruning season didn’t come until after a very hard and ugly breakup. I mean it was rough. Talk about depression, isolation, loss of hope, thoughts of suicide, regret, you name it, and if it was a negative emotion, I felt it.

But, it was the ugly season that I had to go through in order to open my eyes and check myself. This nasty breakup was a start to a new beginning for me. It was a focus on Vanessa season. I had to get myself right and whole. At first, I always pointed at the other person, and never took the blame. It wasn’t until I agreed to put my own pride down, that I was able to see the spots in my heart, the gaps in my soul, and the longing in my thoughts.

This was now a time to allow God to heal me. He had to mend up and heal my broken hearts. Yes, we only have one heart, and it’s plural, but my heart was broken many times. The Lord had a lot of repairing to do within me first.

I joke with my husband and tell him “where have you been all my life?” “Why didn’t I meet you sooner?” In reality, I wasn’t ready to meet him sooner. I was a hot mess. I would’ve self-sabotaged the relationship, hurt him, and the relationship would’ve been over. The Lord had to get me right before he could bring him into my space.

One thing for sure is that I never stopped believing for a husband. It didn’t matter what I went through, or what I was going through, I always kept my faith. Although I made some horrible mistakes which I know prolonged my journey, God brought it back full circle… In His timing!

You may be going around your mountain time and time again, and can’t seem to get it right, but let me tell you when you choose to change, and no longer accept the same mistakes you’ve been making, that’s when God will blow your mind.

God has to see you act first before He will bless you with something. He won’t give you something you cannot handle or are not ready for. So, if you desire to be married, don’t stop believing, but choose to make a change that is different than the previous cycles you have been in.

Marriage may not be your thing, you may want a new job, or attend a new school. Either way, ask yourself, are you ready? Can you handle what is about to take place?

I waited and waited and waited to get married, but it started with me first having to get right, and not stop believing in the thing that I ever wanted since a little girl. It was then that I received my promise to a prayer I had been praying for many years. He was the one I’ve been praying for my whole life. It only took until my mid-thirties for my dream to come true, but I didn’t give up.

That thing you’ve been believing for your whole life, guess what? It’s right around the corner… Don’t give up and don’t stop believing!

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